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And yeah, I know the stereotypes of the 'pedophile priests' might make you assume that that's what I'm admitting, but you'll soon see that's not what my story is about at all.I'm in my 50s and I've served in several locations around the world since my mid-20s. For almost two decades, I was celibate, but I regularly masturbate to relieve the urge to make contact with someone. My last sexual experience, the last before what I'll describe, came when I was 24 and involved a young woman I'd known for years. It was enjoyable and I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake becoming a celibate clergyman.In my mid-30s, I lost my faith in God. I still wanted desperately to believe in a higher power, a kind and benevolent father who would look out for his children and ensure lives were meaningful. I couldn't bring myself to hold that belief when I witnessed the tragedies and struggles I'd seen around me. Being on the 'inside' didn't help, the hidden truths and carefully concealed secrets were always. The wish god must have heard me because Mike flunked out of school, kissed Cindy goodbye and took off to see the world. Cindy tried to get him to stay, get a job and marry her, but Mike said he was not the marrying kind and then he was gone. Matty felt sorry for Cindy so she would ask Cindy over for dinner, include Cindy on our dates when we went to a show and before long I was dating Cindy. Matty didn't take it very well when I asked Cindy to marry me and she sent back the wedding invitation with "Fuck you!" written on it in lipstick. Cindy and I were married one month after our graduation and set out to start our new life.Six years went by and then the company I worked for bought out a competitor and I was put in charge of merging the two companies into a single unit. The first person I saw when I walked in the other company's front door was Matty. She didn't acknowledge my presence and somehow that saddened me. After a tour of the facility I moved into an office and set about doing.
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